I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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