your parents love me but you hate me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
