I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
