in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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