Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
