Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
