So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
