he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
