we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
