wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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