So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
