The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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