The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
