The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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