I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
