You just made me feel so damn special
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
