I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
