I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
