I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We left the knife in your bed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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