His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
