one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
