By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
