Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
