I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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