why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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