hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
