Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
