A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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