it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
MIDGETS
????
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
