All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
