Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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