Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
