So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
