so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
