Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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