dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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