I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was like eating out sand paper
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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