my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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