just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
