I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
