totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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