There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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