and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
