we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
