So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
