where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
