you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
