it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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