For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
