Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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