I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
