Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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