genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
