My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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