There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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