I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
