my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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