i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
