Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
