My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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