butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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