I feel like abortions should bother me more
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm like, not good at living.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
