Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
