and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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