I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
