If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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