just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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